INTIMACY RESET

You've taken the first step in bringing about the intimacy you've been longing to share.  It won't be easy, but the rewards will be worth the time and effort you invest. Here are several well-studied recommendations for creating greater intimacy.  Don't wait...begin today! 



Everyday Romance

You may have reserved “romance” purely for special occasions, such as holidays, anniversaries or Valentines Day.  You may have an idealized notion that romance must include cards, candlelight dinners, expensive gifts and choreographed sexual encounters.  Change your perception and embrace romance in everyday life.


Take the lead! 

Romance doesn’t just drop from the sky; you need to make it happen.  Try creating traditions as a couple to help keep the bond between you strong and connected.  Guys especially like the ritual and rhythms of traditions (golf every Wednesday night, accountability meeting on Friday’s, cards every other Saturday, etc.), so consider that a bonus to bonding.   If you can’t think of yours, try one of these tried and true traditions:

  • Celebrate every month, the day of the month you were married or met by doing something special together.  It may be a walk around the neighborhood – regardless of the weather (he’ll like the challenge) or a visit to a local bookstore where you can browse, have coffee and just unwind.

  • Pick one day of the week that you’ll go to bed at the same time.  Hold hands while you fall asleep.  It may seem awkward at first, but in time priceless.

  • Pick one day of the week, where you talk about what one thing you are grateful for that week.  This simple weekly ritual can be instrumental in providing an intimate emotional connection, something you only share with each other.

Happy Half-Birthday! 

Celebrate your partner's half-birthday, a surprise she’ll never expect.  Complete with a half-birthday cake and reservations at her favorite restaurant.  Or stay in and cook his favorite meal.  Gifts don’t need to be elaborate, but give some thought to what you buy – perhaps an “add-on” to something he already has.  It is truly the thought that counts.



DO: Embrace the 60-40 Rule.  When arguing, make it a point to forgive more than you initially would.  Wave the white flag at least 60% of the time, and swallow your pride.  Pride and romance can’t coexist.


DON’T: Celebrating everyday romance is about nurturing each other – something we do well with our children but not so much each other.  Avoid sharing meaningless negative comments during your romantic times.  If you dislike the jeans, he is wearing or it bothers you the way she takes longer to get ready, keep it to yourself.  Throughout the day, we all hear enough negativity!


Connect With Touch

Your skin is the body’s largest organ, with a host of erogenous zones and millions of nerve endings.  Touch is our most primitive sense – it satisfies an innate need in all of us.  Think back to when you first met and held hands, hugged or kissed for the first time, and the connection you felt through touch.  Affectionate touch may have disappeared from your everyday relationship, but with a willingness and intention to connect through touch, you can enjoy the emotional warmth and reassurance that your feelings for each other are just as strong. 


Non-Erotic Touching

Make sure to use everyday touch and caressing without the goal of sexual arousal in mind.  Non-erotic touching can send essential messages she longs to hear, “ I missed you today” or “I’m happy to be home”.  A soft kiss on the cheek, a playful tickle or cuddling close while watching television can ….


Erotic Touching

The sensual or erotic touch sends the message loud and clear that you seek to sexually arouse and excite your partner.  Touch is crucial to a satisfying sex life and is a convincing way of telling him how attractive you find him and how much you desire and need him.  Create new sensations by trickling ice or brushing over her sensitive body parts with a feather.  Kiss, squeeze and apply light pressure to familiar places and new ones too.


DO:  Give your partner a foot massage to connect ALL over.  With over 70,000 nerve endings in the feet alone you’ll be stimulating trigger points that correlate to the entire body.  It’s a simple treat that will make him feel sensational.  Take turns and feel the love.


DON’T: Don’t leave out your partners scalp as part of erotic touching.  According to scientific studies massaging someone’s scalp releases a chemical in the brain known as oxytocin, a stress hormone that provides a sense of calm while enhancing sexual pleasure. 


Getting Away

Couples trips are vital for helping to unwind and recharge!  Time alone together in a distant place releases you from the realities of day-to-day life and allows you to rediscover the person you fell in love with, not to mention revive your emotional and sexual connection.


Reconnecting With Your Partner

Alone, someplace different, fewer time restraints and a dialed down to-do list are all factors that allow you to reconnect both on an emotional and physical level.  Although scheduling some activities you both enjoy, is after all the point of the trip, avoiding overloading the time with too many activities.  Make sure there is plenty of time to relax and enjoy the company…each other’s company that is!  Additionally, make sure to discuss expectations BEFORE your trip, his idea of setting out to see the sights first thing in the morning may not coincide with her idea of a lazy walk on the beach after sleeping in a bit. The last thing you want is a heated disagreement to start out your sacred time together.


Planning Your Destination

To make the most of your “couples trip”, do your homework before going away.  If peacefulness and tranquility are a priority, then don’t make reservations at a kid-friendly resort.  Likewise, if you both have mixed emotions about sailing, perhaps it’s not a good idea to jump into a 3-day sailing adventure on the high seas (sailing can be fun, but an afternoon at a local sailing club might be the way to start).  Let’s face it, this time away is sacred, and you want to make the best of it.



Do:  Each of you should schedule some time for doing something you enjoy alone, especially if it is an activity that doesn’t interest your partner.  It could be simply reading, going for a jog or sitting in the sauna.  Investing in your well-being will unquestionably enhance your ability to love and be loved.


Don’t:  Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone (with the exception of sailing…lol).  Research supports when couples venture out and either participate in a new activity or travel somewhere new, it gives their systems a shot of adrenaline and releases the chemical oxytocin, a natural bonding hormone.  Who would of guessed


There you have it!  


I hope reading through these recommendations will help to motivate and inspire you and your partner to discuss changes that may bring about a greater sense of intimacy, both inside and outside the bedroom.  Keep in mind; this is not a one-size fit all set of instructions, but rather a guide to launching the conversation about cultivating your intimacy health.

© 2018 Valerie Padd, RN BSN

Website by Olivia Rush Design

Hudson, OH  |  205.531.3867  |  valerie@intimacyhealth.com

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